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Your Daily Dose of Satire: "N.R.A. Defends Right to Own Politicians"

Your Daily Dose of Satire: "N.R.A. Defends Right to Own Politicians"
Wed, 1/30/2013 - by Andy Borowitz
This article originally appeared on The Borowitz Report

In testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre warned that the N.R.A. would vigorously oppose any legislation that “limits the sale, purchase, or ownership of politicians.”

“Politicians pose no danger to the public if used correctly,” said Mr. LaPierre, who claims to have over two hundred politicians in his personal collection. “Everyone hears about the bad guys in Congress. Well, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a vote is a good guy with a vote. I’m proud to be the owner of many of those guys.”

Mr. LaPierre’s comments drew a sharp rebuke from Carol Foyler, a politician-control advocate who has spent the past twelve years lobbying for stricter limits on the sale of politicians.

“Right now, a man like Wayne LaPierre can walk right into Congress and buy any politician he wants,” she said. “There’s no background check, no waiting period. And so hundreds of politicians are falling into the hands of people who are unstable and, quite frankly, dangerous.”

In addition to limiting the sale of politicians, Ms. Foyler said, it is time for society to take a look at the “sheer number” of politicians in the U.S.: “There’s no doubt that we would be safer if there were fewer of them.”

For his part, the N.R.A. leader ended his testimony by serving notice that he would “resist any attempt” to take away the hundreds of elected officials he says are legally his.

As if to illustrate that point, he clutched Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) close to his chest and bellowed, “From my cold, dead hands.”

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Article Tabs

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Yarvin saw the “red pill” as the realization that the Enlightenment ideals he came to associate with “the cathedral” and democracy are actually a poison leading to societal decadence and decline.

It is clear that authoritarian fascists, in the United States and elsewhere, do not want education that promotes critical thinking.

As the American public continues to publicly stand up to the administration, Trump’s grip on power will eventually slip.

In many European countries, the far right holds or shares power. Democracy is in crisis.

If Trump indeed tanks your 401(k) to make himself and his friends even richer, the opposition party should make that the centerpiece of their attack heading into next year’s election.

The burgeoning pro-democracy, anti-Trump movement known as 50501 expects to drive tens and possibly hundreds of thousands to protest in 1,000 cities and towns on Saturday.

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As the American public continues to publicly stand up to the administration, Trump’s grip on power will eventually slip.

Posted 6 days 20 hours ago

If Trump indeed tanks your 401(k) to make himself and his friends even richer, the opposition party should make that the centerpiece of their attack heading into next year’s election.

In many European countries, the far right holds or shares power. Democracy is in crisis.